This is a bit scary for me. I've been holding a lot of this in, some of it for decades. My current situation is most pressing in my mind, but I have no doubt my past will come up too. Because, sometimes, as with all of us, my past affects the way I feel about my present. 

    I will not be using my or my loved ones' real names. I can't. I have no desire to expose us to such scrutiny, and I'm too afraid that someone who knows us may find this blog. In an effort to not only express my thoughts, feelings, and conclusions but to help others who may live or have lived in the same situation, I want to be able to be one hundred percent honest here, and I can't do that if people know who we are. There is too much at stake. 

    This blog will address many issues, including mental illness, addiction, abuse, self-sabotage, and insecurity to name a few. I tried to wait to create this blog until I felt able to put my thoughts together coherently, but in the spirit of honestly, I will caution that I am still living in one of the situations, that being loving an addict. I also see a therapist weekly for my own struggles with depression and anxiety. I have never been an addict, but I love one. I've loved him through all kinds of painful betrayals, lies, and abandonments. Because I can still see the man he truly is inside him, I see every baby step forward he makes, and I can see that, despite the bad, he is trying so hard. 

    There's a quote I read that said, "to love an addict is to run out of tears." I guess I just haven't ran out yet.